Jon Draper (Not the real person; Don Draper from Mad men vibe)
I knew he was dangerous.
For my heart, my soul.
Still.
I fell for him.
1 year, 6 months and 14 days.
Marks the timeline since we first met.
I was drawn to you since the first day.
I don’t know why.
You have not even spoken a word.
You are NOT even my type.
I can’t trust myself.
I’m quite broken.
I saw the (real) you.
I had an idea about you.
An image, a puzzle I had created for myself.
The reality does not fit the puzzle.
Our last encounter, was not suppose to be the missing pieces.
I saw the real you.
The you I deny.
The red flags I tried to ignore.
Those 3 weeks that I delayed to meet you.
It was because I was unsure and scared.
I knew you would broke my heart.
I prolonged it.
I took my chances.
I think God got tired of my blindness.
All those “ See you when i see you”.
I know what it means.
I had that before.
I wished you were different.
I wished you were different.
I wished you were different.
You’re the worst. Probably. I hope so.
You are the combination of all bad dates I had in the past.
With the perfect icing on top.
This time I let it linger too long,
It was 6 months top before.
I asked myself.
I hated myself for letting me take that chance.
To trust you again.
I thought it would be different this time.
Just to found a bottle of shampoo, face wash and a painting that wasn’t there before.
I knew it was not yours to have.
I felt less than what I thought I was worth.
I should not feel like that.
I am so mad to let me do this to myself.
I am mad at the me that replied to you.
The me that responded to you.
The me that started to believe you were a genuine person.
At least among all.
I think the one thing I am most mad.
You told me there’s no one else.
I can take being a Tuesday/Thursday/Friday girl.
But don’t tell me I was the only one.
At least be honest about it.
I was giving this a chance.
Doesn’t even have to go anywhere.
But stop talking to me.
I am not a part-time lover.
I want it all, I want a full time position.
Doesn’t have to be with you.
Let me have my chances with others.
I am done being your part-time lover.
We are not even friends.
It was boring.
Can we do something else?
Can this conversation go somewhere?
I want to be able to be open.
To be free.
To be able to express myself, fully.
It was never easy with you.
I liked the idea of you too much.
You make my heart beat skips a bit.
I liked the idea of you too much.
I got blinded.
I got fooled by the idea of you.
The idea my friend planted on my head.
The image projection you showed me.
Although I know nothing about you.
Everything was surface level.
My heart told me,
You are not over your ex.
My gut told me,
You are a Casanova.
Still, those last 3 weeks I delayed.
My gut was not sure about meeting you for the 12th time.
But hey, 13 is the bad number so I gave it one last chance.
I liked the idea of you too much.
In reality, you don’t even flush the toilet.
You forgot about it.
You sweat a lot.
Which I probably like and ok with it.
You were “ok” in bed.
Not the best but not the worst. I think the connection was good so I gave it a plus.
Know this, the only moment I love the most,
Was on that day where we talked on the kitchen island.
Dinner.
Us. Sitting across from each other.
You held my hand while talking. Simple but You got me there.
The day you asked me.
If I was using you.
Definitely not.
I thought we were on the same page.
I made myself clear, I was not looking for casual.
You went back home.
I did not hear from you much.
WHY CAN’T you be those normal guys who just ghost and never text.
Why you up the game? The lame game. You bothered me every month.
One text per month, that is it.
You asked for a picture.
For what? We are not there yet boo.
My thoughts back then about it, is that you sent your pic to 10 other girls and asked the same.
Do you get it?
I don’t feel safe with you
AND the UNIVERSE had shown it to me. Got you.
PS : I wish I didn’t found out the truth so you can still be a good idea at least. Now, it is back to reality. Facts checked. But, psst, I miss you already.